Confessions of a Total Pushover

I am a total pushover.

I am too trusting.
I am too hopeful.
I am too sympathetic,
I am too sensitive.
And I am too nice.

That's not to say that I am completely naive or clueless when I put my unconditional trust in others. I'd like to say that most of the time everything works out great and I end up the big winner. But truthfully, that's not usually the case.

I'd also love to tell you that even though I've been taken advantage of time and time again, I end up feeling like "well, at least I really helped someone!" 

But that's not the case either. You see, there is a BIG difference between helping someone who genuinely needs the help, and being taken advantage of by someone who is genuinely just taking advantage.

We've all been there. 

We've all "loaned" money to someone who never had any intention of paying us back. 
In sales, we've given away product after product, and bought and bought, to support our "friends."
In relationships, we've been lied to, manipulated, and used for one thing or another.
In parenting, we've caved to our kids' demands to keep the peace.
At work, we've allowed others to take credit for our ideas, or allowed ourselves to be overworked and underpaid.
We've held our tongue, stepped away from conflict, and many times not stood up for ourselves at all.

http://cdn3.whatculture.com

Who are we?

We are the overlooked.
The givers, the nurturers.
The quick to give second, third, and 50th chances.
The ones who make others feel listened to, respected, important, valued.
The ones who make time, and go out of our way for a friend, no matter what.

The ones who turn a blind eye, or sometimes live in complete denial of others' behavior.
The easily hurt, the easiest TO hurt, and the least likely to hurt others. 
We are the first called to help and often the last ones to receive it.
The keeper of secrets, and the receiver of negativity and venting.

Defining people like us in the dictionary, we're told that we are easy to overcome or influence. Easily persuaded, easily defeated, or seduced.

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We are easily manipulated, lied to, taken advantage of, borrowed from, vented to, stolen from. We are burdened, stressed out, unappreciated, underestimated, usually running on empty... And the list goes on.  

We are many things, but the one thing we are not is WEAK. In fact, we are some of the STRONGEST people out there. 

Because we keep going. 
We keep TRYING. 
We keep being helpful, honest, kindhearted, loving, generous, loyal, faithful, patient, trustworthy, sympathetic, empathetic, wise, and nurturing, no matter what we are put through.
We don't wait around for anyone to help us out of a bind. We're too busy helping someone else out of theirs.

So, to all the pushovers out there. I APPRECIATE YOU.

I think we would all do well take a moment and remember, just because someone's welcome mat is always out, that doesn't mean every muddy boot doesn't leave a mark. 

Let's be careful with each other. We are all in this game of life together. 

Rather, it should be that of your inner self,

the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet

spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

1 Peter 3:4

5 Easy Ways to Lose Money in Direct Sales

Oh, you thought I was trying to say 5 easy ways to EARN money in direct sales! Well, I assure you, that wasn't a typo. 

Yes, direct sales has some pretty amazing earning potential, which is why so many people have decided to invest so much time, energy, and yes, MONEY, into these thriving (and sometimes not-so-thriving) businesses. But the ugly truth- and we know how much I love to talk about the ugly truth of things- is that there are also a lot of ways one can lose time, energy, and money in these businesses. My goal with this post is to share what I've learned from experience and help others avoid these pitfalls. So, let's get started! 

First, I will attempt to lighten the mood with a cute piggy in boots picture, sure to make you swoon before I hit you with some of these ugly truths. Annnnd you're welcome.

::SWOON::

Okay, cute piggy (the irony of piggy banks is not lost on me here)... Now let's get down to business! 5 easy ways to lose money in direct sales:

Incentives

We all start out with the best of intentions when it comes to incentives, and you've heard my thoughts on this in previous posts, but this can really be draining, if not done carefully. I went from small purchases, to large purchases, to even signing up with a whole other business for the sole purpose of getting a discount on items I intended to use for incentives. 

From buying things, to making things, to product-swapping with friends, we try our best to come up with new ways to incentivize our teams, when really, our time, dedication, and often simple acknowledgement, go a long way in making people feel valued and appreciated.

The bottom line with incentives is, if someone wants to put in the work, and if their time and energy is a sacrifice they are willing to make, they will do it no matter what the incentives are. Yes, trips, rewards, and big things like that from corporate always help, but I am talking about YOU and your wallet here. Like I have said before, find out what motivates your team and go with that. Take polls, or reach out to your people individually, especially when they first sign up, and find out what motivates and inspires them. It is your job to find these things out. The best way you can fail your team as a leader is to spend all your money "motivating" them, only to end up with less motivated people and no business at all.

Givaways

Similar concept as with incentives, you do not want to be constantly giving products, services, and TIME away. All of these things are VALUABLE. You must be responsible with these things. 

If you are in the business of selling products where samples are key, be sure NOT to end up in the business of giving away samples. There must be a balance here. The same goes for your time and services. If you are constantly meeting up for lunches, coffee dates and dinners, with the same people over and over, trying to get your products out there, trying to grow your team, etc., you will reach a point where you need to re-evaluate and decide if this is a good use of your time and money. Maybe find another way to connect with these people if after your first try, there doesn't seem to be much interest.

The more desperate you come across, the less desperate someone is to do what you do.

"Spotting" your friends and customers

This is a real weak spot for me. I am constantly giving stuff away (oh, did I forget to mention that in the previous paragraph)? And yes, I am constantly "spotting" people. Usually, I get paid back, but sometimes I don't, and that stuff can add up. I won't get long-winded here, just DON'T do it. You don't go to the grocery store and tell the cashier you will "owe" them for the gallon of ice cream you bought because you are broke from giving away products in your direct sales business, do you? No. Don't do it. 

 

                                                         http://imgur.com/gallery/IMRNNYx

Moving on...

Taxes

In the beginning, I was so totes in love with my shiny new direct sales business, that was until Uncle Sam came 'round with the bill! "40%.... 40%???? Almost HALF of my earnings???" This will obviously be different from household to household, but it's harsh, man, HARSH.

Yes, you can write a lot of things off, which is great, but it sure can be a massive wake-up call if you are not business-minded and you are not a great money manager. Just be prepared. Save money aside, save all your receipts, save everything! Most importantly, get with a professional tax adviser, a business mentor, or leader in your company, who can guide you and give you advice on what to save and how to manage this. 

For great advice on where to start, take a look at my friend Christine Baldwin's video on the subject: Christine Baldwin

Stock

Last but not least on the list is carrying too much stock, or sometimes, carrying stock at all. One of the best things my very first leader told me in this business- and I'm talking about a makeup business where stock would seem like a no-brainier- is NOT to load up on products and keep a bunch of stock. Best advice I NEVER followed!

It is so easy to think you need to always have everything on hand. Like, your customers will DIE if you don't have a tube of mascara ready and waiting at all times. Listen to me, it is OKAY to not have everything available all the time. People can wait. You will not lose customers if what they are getting from you is what they want and no other brand will do. The trick is, helping them REALIZE that no other brand will do, not making yourself a constant "beck and call girl" to insure you never lose a sale. Am I right, my Pretty Woman peeps?

To wrap up, watch out for these common money-pit... falls (oh, where are my Tom Hanks fans out there?) and take some time to evaluate how you are spending your time, energy, and money.  You may be surprised at how easily you've fallen into some, if not all of these traps, but it's not too late to dig yourself out! 

My challenge is this: Find yourself new and exciting ways around these common traps! 

1. How can you motivate and inspire your team without always "incentivizing" them?

2. How can you give of your time and money more responsibly?

3. How can you help a friend without being taken advantage of?

4. How can you maximize and organize your income throughout the year to avoid going broke during tax season?

5. How can you create a demand for your product so high, your customers are willing to wait?

Sometimes...

Less is more.

Ten Things I Wish I'd Known As Leader in Direct Sales

***MAJOR DISCLAIMER***
This post is strictly related to my own personal experiences as a leader and does not in any way reflect anyone else's leadership style. My hope is not to make anyone feel bad, but only to help any who struggle in this area.


My crystal ball wish: The ten things I wish I'd known...

1. People are not always going to be motivated or inspired by the flaunting of our victories, trips, and successes. These things can, of course, be highly motivating, but there is a big difference between peppering with the occasional picture or post, and flooding people's newsfeeds. Done too often, this can be quite disheartening and unmotivating to people, especially during convention time. Take care to create an environment of sharing the benefits of the business, without alienating people who feel like they work just as hard as you and may not be where you're at yet. 

2. Don't expect incentives to fuel your team forever. People can only work for incentives for so long before it is evident the incentives don't do much to reflect their hard work. Incentives are definitely a good thing, but choose them wisely, and don't get into the bad habit of spending too much money and time on them, or begin to rely on them as your only means of inspiring your team. There are better ways to inspire people in the long term.

3. Don't bulk message your downline as your primary method of getting in touch with them. This can be an effective tool for getting information out to your team, but it is rarely motivating and can start to feel impersonal, and pressuring to some. I suggest having a group forum that you use for getting info out about meetings, events, company information, etc., and/ or inspirational posts; but as a tool for motivating and praising team members or using too often as a "check in," bulk messaging can backfire quickly.

4. Don't start treating your team members as people who work for you. They do not work for you, they work WITH you. Remember, though you rely on these people to keep your business thriving, they are also people who have jobs, families, obligations, bills to pay, and mouths to feed, just like you, and their time is just as valuable as yours. You took great care to present them with an opportunity you hoped would change their lives for the better, you did not make them interview for it, and they do not punch a time clock for you. There is truly no "I" in team.

5. If you want to keep the friends you had before direct sales, think it through before "recruiting" them to your team. I have seen friendships since high school end over direct sales. Remember to treat everyone like they are as important to you as your very best friend, but when it comes to asking your very best friend to join your team, be careful they don't ever feel like the business is more important to you than they are.

6. If you want to keep the friends you made during your time in direct sales, find other common ground besides direct sales. Trust me on this, once you leave a business, be prepared to leave all but a select few of your new friends behind too. It's nobody's fault, it's often just lack of common ground beyond direct sales.

7. If you invest very little of your time in your team, they will likely invest very little time in their business. This is a difficult line to teeter because you don't want to pressure your team, but you don't want to leave them to sink or swim either. I wish I had the perfect solution for this issue, but the best thing to do, if you're unsure, is to just ask each individual team member what motivates and inspires them. Do they respond better to incentives, recognition, phone calls, one on one meetings? Find out what it is and write down a little profile on each person if you have to, but learn it and apply it.

8. Don't expect to magically know how to lead overnight. The day you officially become a leader isn't the day you know how to lead. It's only the beginning of your long journey of learning through trial and error. Learn from others. What other leaders do isn't always going to be right for you, but it's great to have the experiences of others to help shape you in the what-to-do and what-not-to-do aspects of leadership.

9. Be sure you want to BE a leader and that you are 100% committed to it before you actually commit to it. There's nothing worse than getting neck deep into leadership and feeling like you just don't want it. And it's not fair to those you lead, if you cannot commit to leading them. More often than not, your team's flame will die out soon after yours does.

10. Don't ever tell anyone they didn't want it "badly enough" after a failed attempt at their business. Some people can follow the training and business model to a T, and it will not work the same for everyone. Telling someone they didn't want it badly enough, even if it is true, is in no way encouraging to them on any level. Only if you want to make someone feel horrible about their efforts, should you ever say something like that to them.

In conclusion, it is easier to mess up leadership than it is to be spectacular at it. That's not to say there aren't tons and tons of amazing leaders out there, of course there are. I know many! But the common mistakes leaders make, especially new leaders, can really stress a team out and turn people away from the business forever, and that's not what we want. We want to INSPIRE and change people's lives for the better. 

My best advice in avoiding the major pitfalls of direct sales leadership is to take some serious time in developing your own method of leadership. Get together with your leader, or a leader who aligns nicely with how you see yourself leading, and get some advice from them. Talk to your team members too, you'd be surprised how much insight you can get from people who aren't already in leadership positions. Make sure you are prepared for the ups and downs, because there will be plenty, and be sure to give yourself a break too. We're only human, we all make mistakes. Trust me, I've made plenty, and will continue to do so. 

Always lead with honesty, integrity, and an open heart, and you can't go wrong.

Getting Started: My Top 10 Health and Fitness Motivators

I've had sleep apnea for a while now because of my weight, and it was very embarrassing for me when I got that diagnosis and had to come home with a CPAP. It still is embarrassing for me at times, but it took me a long time to get this way, it will take a long time to reverse it. 

I would say that is the BIGGEST reason I am trying so hard right now. Obviously, just being healthy and fit in general is important to me, but relying on a CPAP machine to make sure I am breathing safely every night is not how I intend to spend the rest of my life. 

I'm in a few health and fitness groups on Facebook and I know a lot of people struggle with just getting started. So, I thought I would make a little list of the things that motivated me, and hope it helps anyone else trying to make positive changes.

The best advice I can give everyone (including myself) is don't be too hard on yourself! Yes, WORK HARD. But don't BE too hard on yourself, no matter what. Here are my top ten suggestions for starting out strong:

1.Every day, try to make healthy choices. Don't focus on the week, or the month, or the year, focus on TODAY. Like my husband says "lay a perfect brick today, and someday, you will have the perfect wall" (or something to that effect).

2. Get a fitness partner. This is what usually gets me to the gym when I am first starting out.

3. Get something to track your food, steps, weigh-ins, etc. Apps, devices, a notebook, whatever works.

4. Find a fitness program YOU think is fun, make the time to go, and force yourself to go if you must. If you can't get motivated, hire a personal trainer. If you can't afford a trainer, or a gym, buy some fitness DVDs and have some "you" time at home! Change the way you look at it.

5. Watch your portions, cut out some bad things, and eat less of the things you know are not helping you achieve your goals.

6. Get with your doctor and find out what your possible food allergies/ sensitivities might be. Then cut those things out completely. It's amazing how those things can affect your progress.

7. Join a fitness group or forum! Talk about your struggles, and your successes. Share your favorite recipes, workouts, gadgets, methods, etc! We all need that extra support from people!

8. Go back to the basics. What has worked for you in the past?

9. Is that not working? TRY NEW THINGS! Your body changes with age, childbirth, health conditions, stress, you name it. Maybe those things that worked before, won't work now. Find something that WILL.

10. SET your goals, LOG your goals, and CELEBRATE your accomplishments! Don't just brush off that 1/2 a pound it took you a whole week to drop, CELEBRATE it! Nothing is small when it comes to making yourself healthier!

One more thing:

If you have a bad eating day, if you skip breakfast, if you miss a workout, if you miss a week of workouts, don't BEAT yourself up, PICK yourself up! This is about you getting healthy, not you being PERFECT! Get that idea out of your head right now! All we can do is our best from day to day. You are worth it, your family is worth it. Find your WHY and make it your great motivator!

The Plain, the Mundane, and the Downright Insane

So, recently, Haley Ragsdale and I decided to collaborate on a little project together. She told me a few hilarious tidbits about her life, I almost spit out my coffee, and then I jumped on my laptop to see what would happen if I wrote up a little something. Well…. Here’s what happened….

Most of you may not know this, but Haley has been told she sounds like a Valley Girl a time or two in her life. Okay, a time or two million, whatever. I mean, like, gag me with a spoon! She totally stopped talking that way a few years back! Anyway, the point is, she may have been born in California, but she was raised an Alaska girl. When you ask her, she’s not exactly sure how the Valley girl thing stuck, but she and I both know what it’s like to grow up in a place that can seem ages behind the times. Some might say it’s boring, but really, it just makes us have to try a little harder to keep up.

That being said; a few days ago, Haley told me she was getting ready for her day, applying her blue eyeshadow and hot pink lipstick, her hair large and in charge; and when she looked at herself in the mirror, she was flashed back to 1987 in an instant. She could practically hear “Head to Toe” playing through the proverbial boom box in her mind. It was all Lisa Lisa up in her bathroom that morning, and she found herself transported back to a simpler time.

A time of innocence. A time of teetering on the edge of breakthrough technology. A time of sleepovers, bad music, and experimenting with makeup- accidentally lighting her hair on fire, trying to melt her eyeliner. Oh yes, that happened. Would we expect anything less from the Fearless Haley Ragsdale? Of course not. A bit too much Aquanet? Perhaps. But her story left me feeling alive with inspiration.

So, what did all this crazy make-upping, big-hair burning, and so-bad-it’s-good ‘80s music result in? Well, most people would have looked at that hot mess in the mirror and reached for the nearest wash cloth, but not Haley, she OWNED it! But more importantly, she was inspired. And her story inspired me! I realized more than ever, that we, as a society, are desperately seeking INSPIRATION. It got me thinking about tapping into what inspires us. What inspires others? And how we can take the day-to-day mundane and turn it into a lifetime of extraordinary.

I believe it starts with the little things. The bad ‘80s hair day, (even the good ‘80s hair day), the smile on a stranger’s face when you take that extra second to really hold the door open for them. The warm thank you from the barista you overtipped, even though you were stressed out. That first cup of perfect coffee in the morning, that last kiss from your loved one at night.

From the greatest of things, the awards and recognitions, new babies, weddings, and jumping out of airplanes with your best friend; to the smallest of accomplishments: the workout, the casserole, squeezing into those jeans, mastering that perfect smoky eye, getting out of bed 15 minutes early, shoot, just getting out of bed at all.

From the everyday things, to the once in a lifetime. Allowing them all to be equal on the scale of amazingness, all treasures in the eye of the beholder. YOURS. Tapping into the things of the past, the hope for the future, and the reality of today, and using them all to create something truly inspiring.

And so, our challenge is this: Find these little things in your life, the plain, the mundane, and the downright insane, and make them your EXTRAORDINARY life! Take a risk, tell a joke, be a mentor, write a poem, sing a song, spend some time, take that nap, talk to someone, and yes, be silent too.

Just do it all. Because life really is going by quickly. The lady Haley sees in the mirror is still that same crazy kid, she’s just got a few more battle scars. But one day, she’ll be older still. And when she looks in the mirror then, I know she’ll be just the same. Same crazy hair, blue eyeshadow, and hot pink lipstick. With a few more laugh lines, a few more battle scars, and a lot more wisdom. But man, will there be one heck of a smile on her face. Because she will have made an extraordinary life. “Totally, for sure!”

So, what are you waiting for? Go make yours!

To find out more about Haley's Adventures in all things Direct Sales and Make-upping, visit her website: HaleyRagsdale.com